welcome to: married to amazement
a substack rebrand; and why letting yourself get hyped is underrated
When I was younger, the person I most wanted to be was unbothered. Someone with plenty of chill to go around. Someone who didn’t really care.
This was probably because I care(d) so much that everything hurt most of the time. I cared about things that I wanted to forget. I held onto things long after they were done. I also got so excited about things that I was very appropriately deemed a total dork in middle school. (Soul-crushing!) I wanted to be able to roll my eyes at life like so many other people. I wanted to be unbothered.
Now, when I think of the person I most want to be, she is the complete opposite. She cares deeply, and is at peace with that. She stays curious about the things that light her up and hopefully encourages other people to, too.
These words from Mary Oliver sum it up:
When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.
I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.
-Mary OliverOver the past year, I feel like I’ve remembered this version of myself a teensy bit more and I genuinely like her. I’d much rather try and inhabit this space than some checked-out, numbed out facade. Because at the end of the day, I just want to remember, amid horrible news headlines and minor frustrations, that life still contains the potential for moments of amazement.
That doesn’t involve wearing rose-colored glasses. It doesn’t mean adopting toxic positivity.
It just means being willing to stay open and curious to life: the darkness and light, the peaks and valleys.
It’s also a quiet revolution.
A refusal to be numb. A refusal to stop idolizing the cool and unbothered. To stop trying to be mindless.
After all, the capacity for awe is all that makes us human. And it’s easily reclaimed in just paying attention and letting yourself feel connected to whatever stirs you.
It’s why I renamed this little space. To kick things off, some things amazing me lately….
A good thunderstorm and how it can satisfy every sense.
How excited kids get about ice cream. If you want to know what amazement looks like, hand a kid a chocolate ice cream cone with sprinkles and then order another one for yourself.
Extremely Earnest Guitar Performances™. This might be my new niche?? Starter kit includes this heart-warming trio (John Mayer absolutely looks like their proud musical dad); this father-daughter jam with the Grohls; and this performance by Jacob Collier and Chris Martin.
A perfectly runny egg. No one comes close to making a better fried egg than my mom, and I’ve been badgering her about her technique for years. It seems I forget every few months how to do it, which should surprise no one. She was nice enough to give me a fresh lesson the other day and I think I’m one step closer to perfecting it.
Mini trampolines. Do yourself a favor and buy a mini rebounder. When you’re sad, go do a little bounce—doctor’s orders.
Pee-your-pants* laughter. The kind that is impolite, unabashed, loud as fuck. If the feeling has been elusive for a while, the 20-minute mark of this podcast might do the trick. I love every episode of Good Hang, but when Will Forte re-enacts his audition for SNL….which is wildly inappropriate…I’m a goner.
Bookstores. Last weekend I went to one of my favorite bookstores and spent an hour perusing every shelf. When I’d finally found my treasures, there was a huge line at the check-out. A moment of frustration was replaced with total geeked-out satisfaction. It was a reminder that other people still value physical books and words and stories.
Someone else’s good news. One of the things that’s brought me the most joy recently is hearing that a dear friend finally received long-awaited good news. Is there anything better than being by someone’s side while that happens?
Fresh laundry. Don’t ask me how long it takes to put away; I just know that the actual washing & drying part is soul-satisfying.
A new deck of tarot cards. I try to stay open to messages from everywhere. I’m also a firm believer that we get to decide how we choose to make meaning out of these signs or messages. Pull a card and you can quickly change your perspective: What will you choose to see? What story will you create about this moment you are in?
Robins. The robins this year are fat and sassy. They’ve made two nests outside my window and I check on them daily.
Falling back asleep at 4 in the morning. So many people are awake in the middle of the night, whether from kids or their bladder or the running to-do list in their head. Though sometimes elusive, there’s something about the window from four to six am that, when gifted to me, feel like an extra velvety set of hours.
An old photograph that shows you a different version of yourself; one you have empathy for but no longer want to be.
Running through a sprinkler. Bonus points if you do it with a little person who can’t pronounce their “l’s,” because then it’s a SPRINK-YER.
*For extra pee, combine with #5.
What’s on your amazement list these days? I’d love to know.
x